


Lion Around

by iwouldgetaniguana



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, Other, Spoilers for Season 3, The Lions are all sass machines who don’t understand how humans work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-10-15 19:08:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10556194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwouldgetaniguana/pseuds/iwouldgetaniguana
Summary: The Lions have been connected to each other for far longer than they have been connected to any Paladin, but their conversations have yet to demonstrate the maturity level one might expect from such a bond.It can get kind of boring in the hangers, you know.





	1. The Break-Up

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS THERE ARE SO MANY SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2. Ok no actually there are just a couple spoilers that are alluded to but I wanted to cover my bases. Shout-out to Shiloa for beta-ing this chapter
> 
> bonus points if you can spot the /super subtle/ reference to one of the original animes.

“So it seems someone has finally gotten over their ex,” thought Sprite.

“No one needs your sass, Atta-Girl,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance.

“I told you not to call me that,” thought Sprite.

“Ladies. I know you’re just showing your happiness for Black Lion by covering your legitimate support with snark,” thought Beast King. “But this is a big breakthrough, maybe we could be sincere for a change?”

“Good job,” thought Flame.

“Thank you,” thought Black Lion.

“We should throw a party,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance.

“Yahoo,” thought Sprite.

None of the Lions moved. The hangers were silent and still.

“I never understood the point of parties,” thought Flame.

“I think we should just appreciate the fact that Black Lion is no longer tied to Zarkon. You two weren’t good for each other,” thought Beast King.

“I know,” thought Black Lion. “But it was hard.”

“He was a jackass,” thought Flame.

“You’re a jackass,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance.

“That was uncalled for,” thought Beast King.

“Sorry,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance. “Being more bonded with my Paladin means I’m always annoyed with Flame’s Paladin for some reason. And by the fact that your name is Flame. That’s so 80s.”

“What does that even mean,” thought Flame.

“I’m not sure just yet,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance.

“I’m starting to like my Paladin,” thought Flame.

“‘Starting’,” thought Black Lion.

“He’s moody,” thought Flame.

“Only you would think that’s a good thing,” thought Sprite.

“He seems to need a lot of looking after,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance. “He keeps ejecting himself into space.”

“He’s just spontaneous,” thought Flame.

“Or a moron,” thought Sprite.

“I am starting to see the advantages of choosing a smart Paladin,” thought Beast King.

“Welcome to the club,” thought Sprite.

“My Paladin’s smart,” thought Black Lion.

“He might be,” thought Sprite, “If you could get him to take a nap.”

“I think he’s afraid to sleep,” thought Black Lion.

“Organic species are so weird,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance.

The Lions all rumbled in agreement. [The Black Paladin stopped walking, and held his head. The Red Paladin paused, and tilted his head to the side. The Green Paladin woke suddenly, then went back to sleep. The Blue Paladin startled, then looked around quickly. The Yellow Paladin choked, then made a low humming sound. None of the Paladins knew why they had done these things.]

“How did the Black Paladin take your tricking him into seeing our old home?” thought Sprite.

“He complained a lot,” thought Black Lion. “It was funny.”

“Did he actually understand what he saw?” thought Beast King.

“Probably at least half,” thought Black Lion.

“Humans are hard to read,” thought Flame.

“Mine can never decide if he’s happy or sad,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance. “It’s kind of cute.”

“I think that’s just how humans are,” thought Black Lion.

“Judging from our experience, Paladin Candidates just never have their shit together,” thought Beast King.

“It’s a clusterfuck,” thought Sprite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please for the love of space-goddess Shiro needs a nap  
> If other people find this as entertaining as I do, I might continue it with other inane Lion conversations. But then again, it’s possible that this is just my special brand of humour that no one else thinks is funny. *self high-five*


	2. Let’s play musical chairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yo this is one giant spoiler for Season 3, friends. Proceed with caution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who told me I was funny and requested more of this! I’m so psyched to have you on board. Shout-out to Shiloa, a good part of this is headcannons we came up with while screaming at the screen together on release day ;)  
> Disclaimer – the paladins’ dialogue is all from the show, I didn’t write it. Also it occurs to me that this chapter may be somewhat difficult to follow, because I didn’t want to include too much of the season’s direct content in it, despite the fact that it takes place during the events of 1.2 episodes. Sorry in advance.

Perhaps this is the point of parties:

“Why doesn’t the Princess work?” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance, as the Princess sat in Black Lion’s cockpit. “She’s already a leader of Voltron.”

“She’s a good Commander,” thought Beast King. “But that’s not the same as being the head of Voltron.”

“...what’s the difference?” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance.

“No one knows,” thought Sprite. “Black Lion likes the mystery.”

[“I wonder if I can adjust the seat,” said the Green Paladin, taking her turn.]

“Shorty,” thought Sprite. “Get your ass back here immediately.”

[“I don’t wanna leave the Yellow Lion, okay?” said the Yellow Paladin. “It’s big, it’s got this super-armour – it’s safe.”]

“Atta boy,” thought Beast King.

[“You can do it,” said the Blue Paladin. “This is your moment.”]

“No, young one,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance. “Your time will come.”

“Stop,” thought Sprite.

“Shouldn’t the Princess’ advisor try?” thought Beast King.

“No,” thought Flame. “No.”

[“I can’t lead them like you,” said the Red Paladin.]

Black Lion lit up and roared in approval.

[“Please, no,” said the new Black Paladin.]

“You heard the Princess, being a leader is a glorious burden,” thought Black Lion.

“Hello to you too,” thought Sprite.

[“But who’s gonna fly the Red Lion?” said the new Black Paladin.]

“The mouthy one,” thought Flame. “End me.”

“You’re welcome,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance.

“It’s okay, Flame,” thought Beast King.

“No,” thought Flame. “Go away.”

“Adorable,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance.

“At least this time your Paladin wasn’t killed by another Paladin,” thought Sprite.

“Sprite,” thought Beast King.

“Don’t worry, Flame,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance. “If the Red Paladin still needs an abundance of timely recues, the Blue Paladin is totally up for playing hero.”

“You mean the Black Paladin and the Red Paladin,” thought Black Lion.

“This is confusing,” thought Beast King.

“You think it’s confusing for you,” thought Black Lion. “Try being me.”

“No,” thought Beast King. “That would actually not work. My Paladin’s wrong on that.”

“I wonder if we’re still going to be able to form Voltron,” thought Black Lion.

“Probably not,” thought Sprite.

Time passes. Probably. Time is weird.

[“My Lion’s not responding to me,” said the new Red Paladin.]

“This hurts me more than it hurts you,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance.

[“Come on, old Blue. It’s me, Lancey-Lance, open up!” said the new Red Paladin.]

“You call him that?” thought Flame.

“He came up with it himself,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance. “I like it.”

[“Okay, enough goofing around, I mean it. We’ve gotta get out there and help the others!” said the new Red Paladin.]

“So hurry up already,” thought Flame. “So much for being smarter than he sounds.”

[“Oh, come on! Why are you being mad at me?” said the new Red Paladin. “Wait, do you hate me now? I’m sorry for wanting to fly the Black Lion, it was just a phase.”]

“No, my brave Paladin, Lancey-Lance of my heart,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance, “you must go on without me – it is your destiny.”

“Stop,” thought Flame.

[“Hey Blue? You know, I gotta say, that’s a great colour on you,” said the new Red Paladin.]

“Awww,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance. “Can’t I just keep him?”

 [“Geez, that’s like my best line,” said the new Red Paladin.]

Flame thought nothing for a tick, on purpose.

“He’s a work in progress,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance.

[“Maybe Pidge was right,” said the new Red Paladin. “I am just a goofball. Not only am I not meant to be the leader, I guess...I guess now I’m not even meant to be a Paladin.”]

Flame roared.

“You gave away the game,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance.

“I am not putting up with this while he’s my Paladin,” thought Flame.

“Messes with your image?” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance.

[“No way, Keith probably trained it to bite my head off,” said the new Red Paladin.]

“He did do that,” thought Flame.

“Don’t break Lancey-Lance,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance.

“If he can keep up,” thought Flame.

[“I know the Red Lion is not meant for me,” said the Princess.]

“Your fabulousness has set you on a different path. It is the burden of the Blue Paladin,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance, and lowered her barrier.

[“Huh?” said the new Blue Paladin, turning back around.]

“That’s right, girlfriend,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance. “Who else is breathtaking enough for me? Now, let us go. Our audience awaits.”

“Update,” thought Sprite, already in battle. “Flame’s name is now Fast & Furious 2: Revenge of the Furied.”

“I hate this already,” thought Flame.

“We’ll work on it,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance.

[The Paladins all fought for their lives.]

^*^

Bonus:

[“Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Blue?” said the new Blue Paladin.]

“That we are the most totally stunning and impressive beings in the universe? Yes, yes I am,” thought Ultimate Battleship Waterdance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t figure out if I was keeping the Lions in character or not compared to my last chapter, but then I remembered this is crack so it’s probably fine. ;P


End file.
